Hunting for What is Still Not There

This is no easy pursuit
Hunting for what is still not there
Each time rebuilding
On barren land
Ground up
At times
Confident and sturdy
At times
Frail and discouraged
Repeated motions
The pieces keep tumbling apart
Working my way through a hopeful language
“I’ll know better next time”

Working sculpturally was one of the surprises Art Therapy offered me


In my previous work as a graphic artist my work tended to mostly be 2-dimensional with interactive elements with the viewer. But in the therapeutic context, I always needed more depth. More complexity. More spatial texture. More inside pulling out, outside dropping in.

Sculpture was a language I needed to explore my experience.

This piece was exploring my physical and mental experience of saying ‘No’ in the context of an unhealthy relationship. I had no direction starting out. I went through piles of photographs and texts ripped out from old books. Texts on ‘Hunting’ and images of trees and land stood out for me.
From there I began building and layering. A physical building up for the sake of mentally and emotionally breaking things down.

The sculpture collapsed many times during the process. It spoke to my actual experience of resistance. It was fragile, unsure and unfamiliar.

The falling apart matters just as importantly as the putting together, you see..

Revealing the Internalised

What happens to you when you don’t want to let anyone down?
What happens, when you try to hold it all together?
What happens, when you can’t say ‘No’?

So much about how we internalise certain experiences reveals itself in the process of making. Even more so than the finished product itself.

What choice of material do we go with? What do we leave out?
What physical process do we engage?
Do we shove in? Do we rip apart?
What kind of energy are you feeding into your artwork?
Is the object light? Or does it get heavier as you go?

‘The wire altering its shape to allow room for what’s forced in.
Pieces contorted to fit in.
Parts protruding out.
Testing limits.
The more I pushed in, the more I forgot what were in the inner layers.’